


Touch(es)

by tawny_owl



Category: The Exorcist (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Marcus falling in love and trying to ignore it, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 17:31:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11925771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tawny_owl/pseuds/tawny_owl
Summary: Just Marcus being emotionally starved and dealing with the fact that he can touch people (especially Tomas).





	Touch(es)

**Author's Note:**

> Basically the entire first series of The Exorcist through Marcus viewpoint, because feelings. This is my first fic in this fandom so please tell me is the characterization is off!
> 
> NB: English isn't my mother tongue so I apologize in advance for grammatical mistakes, feel free to correct me :)

Marcus doesn’t remember much of his childhood before the Church took him in. Sometimes he sees his mother, flashes of her scrubbing the wooden floor of their gloomy kitchen, or washing her hands after picking up vegetables in the backyard garden. She’s never been the demonstrating type but sometimes he remembers being in bed, ready to sleep with her hand cool and soft on his forehead as she sings to him, in her heavy Irish accent that he’s almost forgotten. It’s been such a long time, and the masters of the Charnwood orphanage made a point to get rid of his Tinker roots (‘the language of the Devil’, they said, beating him again and again every time he slipped and used a shelta word inadvertently, or just whenever they felt like it, actually. He ended up with permanent bruises all over his body, a broken nose and a Midlands accent, which was not really an improvement, he thought to himself silently.)

He tries not to remember the last time he saw his mother, when his father— 

He always fails.

\---

At twelve, he’s sold to the Vatican. At first he’s almost glad of the change of scenery; at least he’s not in Leicestershire anymore, and the priests are impressively well-spoken compared to the orphanage’s wardens. Then Father Sean puts him in a room with a demon and he wishes he were literally anywhere else. As pure terror engulfs him, his only solace lies in the fact that he will probably meet his mother again soon, but that’s not what happens. Instead he finds himself reciting strange words in latin, again and again and again, desperation almost making him cry, until he realizes that he’s got the power to make the demon cower and hiss in agony inside the possessed’s battered body. It’s almost like being drowned in awe: for the first time in his life, he knows with absolute certainty that he’s really, really good at something. He _matters_. He’s got a _purpose_ , he thinks almost deliriously, clutching the wooden cross that hangs around his neck. It’s warm to the touch, and he feels invincible when he resumes his litany. It’s not long before the demon evaporates with a blood-curling howl, a black shadow circling the room as its intricate tendrils dissipate one by one. Only the acrid smell of sulphur remains, making the other boys cry and cough hoarsely, but Marcus finds himself strangely calm, closing his eyes as he smiles slowly. He doesn’t see the priests eyeing him cautiously, then exchanging a knowing look.

After that, exorcisms become his everyday life. He’s good at it, very good. The best, actually, and he knows it, but he doesn’t do it for the glory of it all. He feels compelled to use his powers for good, and who is he to question this divine gift? God gave him a purpose in life, his only purpose, to be honest, but it feels more than enough and he’s certainly not going to throw it all to waste. So he blesses and he chants and he prays, one demon at a time, in Bucarest, in Manilla, in Frankfurt. He burns incense and he reads his Bible and he brandishes his cross, in Freetown, in Canberra, in Madeira. He sprays blessed words and blessed water and every time he ends up exhausted but victorious, his hand softly stroking the victims’ forehead, as his mother did to him when it was time to sleep and rest. Every time until Mexico, where he ends up sobbing with a broken body in his arms, all semblance of certainty gone with the demon who escaped him.

Marcus doesn’t touch anyone for a long time after Mexico. At first he feels angrier than he’s ever been in his life, even after his mother’s death. Then he only feels empty. It seems so unfair, and he can’t help wondering what kind of God does that, giving the power to help people and then taking it away. Even though he hopes for some sort of a sign that it isn’t entirely over, something bitter and churning burrows deep inside his heart, and his old wooden cross doesn’t feel so warm anymore.  
  
He begins to drink, too much, first in the little bar next to the room he rented during his last exorcsim (not that he ever slept in it, battling demons isn’t exactly a 9-to-5 job) but the searing doubt in his heart won’t go away, so he finds refuge in shabbier places where the music is loud and nobody notices when he orders too much tequila. Sometimes men approach him, trying to sell him different ways to oblivion, but he shakes his head and they leave without a glance, looking for better clients. Marcus tries not to think about how much he wants it, though. Oblivion and the warmth of human skin against his, even in one of the sleaziest places in Mexico City .This is where Father Bennett finds him one evening and wordlessly drags him toward a black Vatican car, the engine humming in the stifling heat of the night. Marcus wants to fight him but he’s to tired for that and they end up heading North in a defeaning silence. He doesn’t even notice when they cross the U.S. border.

\---

When Tomas Ortega enters his life, Marcus immediately tries to push him away. He doesn’t want to go back to his (not so) old life, to think about his last exorcism, to remember his first, complete and utter failure. For eighteen months, he’s persuaded himself that his life in St-Aquinas is dull enough for him to recover : he eats (a bit), he sleeps (not so much), he paints (a lot). He listens to old school music.  
  
He doesn’t feel better at all.  
  
So when Tomas, lost and flustered, tells him about the dreams he’s been having, Marcus’ first instinct is to deny everything. But Tomas insists, describing Gabriel’s exorcism in such vivid details that it cannot be a lie, and Marcus finds himself striding toward him and backing him to the wall. They’re too close now, but Marcus doesn’t care. He can feel Tomas’s cassock under his palm, and he watches Tomas’ lips move as he continues to talk about Gabriel, heart pounding so hard in his chest that he feels almost sick. This cannot be happening. He doesn’t want this happening to anyone else either so, trying to sound derisive, he gathers all the strength he’s got left and tells Tomas that it’s not true. That he’s being manipulated. That he should go home and forget all about it.  
But Tomas doesn’t let go that easily, and he looks almost angry when he leaves, reciting the words of Christ as a disappointed goodbye and shutting the door closed on his way out. That’s when Marcus finally gives in, crying for the first time since Mexico and shouting at the shadow of his cross on the wall. He asked for a sign for so long, and this is what he’s got ? He feels betrayed and full of anger, but after a while he realizes it’s better than emptiness.

He sees Tomas a lot after that. At Tomas’ flat, first, in which he manages to get after picking the (disappointingly weak) lock. Desperate situations call for drastic remedies, isn’t it? Tomas, bless his naive soul, looked determined enough to conduct the Rance exorcism by himself and Marcus, while battling his own personal demons, sure isn’t going to let him handle things alone. I’ve got more experience, he tells himself, turning all thoughts of Mexico firmly down. I know how to deal with demons. Tomas doesn’t. And the truth is, he wants to see Tomas again.  
  
Unsurprisingly, Tomas isn’t overcome with joy at the sight of Marcus lounging in his flat as if he lives here. He looks at him as if he were a stray cat that ate his goldfish and sharpened his claws on the sofa, making Marcus beam: it’s been so long since he’s had a real interaction with another human being, and he has to admit he already enjoys teasing Tomas way more than he should. This goes beyond teasing, though. Marcus read Jessica’s letters while Tomas was away, and he takes a perverse pleasure in prodding Tomas about her, enjoining him to leave her. Only for exorcism reasons, he tells himself. The demon cannot have the advantage of knowing too much. He refuses to acknowledge that he tells himself an awful lot of things when Tomas is concerned.

He also draws Tomas a lot, now that he thinks about it.

He sees Tomas again, at his church, at the Rance’s family house, at the Chancery, at Tomas’ flat again. After their first argument, when Marcus reveals the truth about his childhood to Tomas, he even sleeps there sometimes, on the old sofa. (Well, ‘sleep ‘ is a bit of a strong word. At best he naps, waking up gasping and his heart thumping, as he relives the Mexico events over and over in his sleep. Tomas wakes up once, and shuffles sleepily in the living-room; when he sees Marcus’ wild eyes, he sits down next to him on the sofa and helds him without a word, until Marcus passes out with exhaustion. They don’t speak about it in the morning.)

As Casey’s possession goes on, they touch more and more, until it becomes quite an habit; Marcus especially – unconsciously or not – seizes any opportunity to be as close as Tomas as possible: towering over him when they speak to each other, sliding an arm around his shoulders as they sit together, casually letting his hand linger on Tomas’s arm when they’re in his office in the sacristy. He cannot stop himself; he only knows that it feels good, and Tomas never complains once. Neither of them wants to admit it but they need each other, and their relationship grows closer and tenser as they argue about how to perform the exorcism: Tomas is nervous about everything, from his inexperience to his forbidden affair with Jessica, and Marcus is terrified at the thought of failing again. When Tomas finally tells him that he’s ready to perform Casey’s exorcism, despite the risks for himself and his career, Marcus’ heart almost bursts with happiness. This night, he prays with a renewed fervor, thanking God for letting him cross Tomas’ path.

They end up in the attic at the Rances’ house, stuffing the room with mattresses and pillows in anticipation for the exorcism. As they put everything in place, from solid planks and chains nailed to the walls, to holy water within easy reach, they glance and smile at each other, both anxious and relieved to be in this together. Marcus closes his eyes briefly and lets his heart fill with the simple joy of being given a new chance; and as they pray in circle in the Rances’ living-room, Tomas’ hand is warm in his.

As Marcus discovers just after the prayer, his hands are not the only part of Tomas’ body that are warm to the touch. Marcus tries not to shiver as he takes the immaculate collar from Tomas’ hands and slides it slowly around his friend’s neck, fastening it on his nape and definitely not lingering among the fine dark hair that tickle his fingertips there. He’s so close he can smell the faint scent of Tomas’ soap and feel the warmth from his back, and as he inhales sharply he can feel his entire body thrumming with unspoken tension. Tomas is talking to him and he tries to focus, his gaze never leaving him as they enter the room where the demon is waiting for them.

Casey’s exorcism goes about as well as you could expect an exorcism to go, which is to say not so greatly. Marcus was certainly not expecting the demon to give up easily, but he is still both impressed and angry at the tricks the evil being is pulling at them. His anger multiplies tenfold when he discovers Tomas kneeling between Casey’s legs, the demon playing him and his weaknesses like a fiddle. Hauling the younger priest by the chest, he throws him away from the demon and outside the room, fury coursing through his veins. Tomas tries to explain himself but Marcus pushes him away, trying to convince himself that he is angry at him for compromising the exorcism and nothing else. He cannot afford to deal with whatever he is feeling right now, and he goes back in the room without a word. He can still feel Tomas’ body warmth tingling on his hands, but he is alone against the demon now.

Then Kat calls the police, Casey escapes from the EMT vehicle, and everything spirals out of his control.

When Marcus sees Tomas again, he’s spent two impossibly frustrating days in prison and he is certain of two things : he needs to find Casey as soon as possible before she’s definitely integrated, and he cannot risk Tomas’ life one more time. He’s still disappointed by Tomas’ behaviour during the exorcism at the Rance’s house but the truth is, the fact that Tomas was nearly taken by the demon in that wretched room still haunts him. So he steels himself and goes after Casey on his own, leaving Tomas hurt and angry behind him. This is for the best, he forces himself to think. I’ve worked alone before, I can work alone now; at least this way, I won’t lose anyone else. He tries not to think about how much he wanted to reach for Tomas right there on the church steps. And he definitely doesn’t hide a smile, later this day in the Regos’ caravan, when he opens his phone and reads Tomas’ text message about the dogs.

\---

When he finds Casey by the lake, and she nearly drowns, he almost doesn’t believe it as his hands move on their own accord and bring her back to life. This cannot be possible. But when he looks at her again, he must admit the obvious truth: after months and months of desperate prayers, God's grace touched him again at last.

\---

Everything is a bit fuzzy after the lake: he calls Tomas for help and they bring Casey to Mother Bernadette, exorcizing her together only to have the demon seemingly disappear. During these hectic days, he cannot help but be impressed by Tomas’ dedication to the exorcism; and as the hours pass and he tries every incantation he knows out of desperation, he sometimes feels the warm and comforting weight of Tomas’ hand on his back, silently supporting him and Casey in their fight against the demon. 

After, he tries not to thing about their fight in the chapel, as Casey watched and Mother Bernadette clutched her head in agonizing pain; he knows this was all the demon’s fault, but he is still ashamed of the exhilarating feelings he’d had when fighting Tomas: anger and resentment first, quickly followed by something deep and primal that he’d never experienced before. As they fell to the floor in a tangle of limbs and he raised his fist to hit Tomas, he was uncomfortably aware of how much he _wanted_ him at this precise moment; and when his eyes caught Casey’s pitying smirk, he knew this had nothing to do with demonic forces at all.

The look they exchange when the demon leaves and Angela hugs Casey is pure relief; as exhaustion takes over his body, Marcus’s just got the strength to lock eyes with Tomas and smile, both of them breathing fast and hardly believing everything is over. Later, they celebrate quietly in a small bar near Tomas’ flat, sharing drinks and enjoying a local rock session. For the first time since meeting Tomas, Marcus feels completely relaxed and he allows himself to let his guard down, nursing his beer and smiling at Tomas’ bad jokes. His eyes are a bit too bright when he looks at Tomas, and if he makes some unabashed attempts at flirting, well. He blames it on the beer. But he’s totally serious when he suggests, lacking any semblance of subtlety, a life on the road as exorcists for both of them. He knows he shouldn’t hope for a positive answer but it still stings when Tomas leaves without really answering. His hand is seeping warmth through Marcus’ leather jacket as he says goodbye though, and maybe that’s enough for tonight.

\---

It turns out everything’s not over, in the end. As Marcus, with help from the Regos, tries to thwart a plot to kill the Pope, he wonders briefly when he let himself think that he could live a normal life. Desperately searching for the Pope’s itinerary through Chicago, he picks his way into St. Anthony’s sacristy and nearly gets caught when Tomas enters the room. There’s a moment of awkwardness as he stands flustered next to Tomas’ desk, but Tomas doesn’t notice; he’s clearly worried about the whole closing church business and, as he rambles about his new responsibilities at St. Bridget, Marcus takes the opportunity to move closer. He’s strangely happy when Tomas sits down next to him on the desk, their arms comfortably touching. Marcus’ eyes are soft when he looks at Tomas, and as he warns his friend about the political implications of his new position, his heart is heavy at the thought that their respective paths are definitely splitting up. They will likely never see each other again and Marcus hates goodbyes, so he leaves without saying anything, except that he will miss this place. He cannot bring himself to say what he really means out loud but Tomas seems to understand, looking fondly at him as Marcus goes away.

\---

When Marcus goes back to the caravan, its owners are dead. Despite his frantic prayers, he arrives too late at the convent as well, and he has never felt so alone.

\---

Waking up tied to a chair next to Bennett in a gloomy room full of psychopaths isn’t exactly Marcus’ idea of a fun day, but at least Tomas is safe, he tells himself wih relief. And it’s not a demented cardinal, a bleeding wrist or a demonic incantation that will stop him from saving the Pope’s life; he’s got Mother Bernadette’s rosary, and he bloody well intends to use it in a way that will honor its previous owner.

The next session of events happens in a bit of a blur, and the blood loss and adrenaline crashing don't help, but this time it’s really the end: he saved the Pope, Tomas got rid of the demon by himself, and as Marcus sits on the Rance’s stairs with Casey, both of them smiling through their tears and hugging tightly, he finally believes his own words. _Don’t let them win._

He cannot resist teasing Bennett one last time, as they meet up in a cafe before Bennett goes back to the nest of vipers known as the Vatican. As they quip about defacing the Bible (a common topic of discussion among priests, really), he senses rather than he sees Tomas barely holding his laughter next to him, and a wave of affection wells up inside him. It’s a small miracle to see him again, and Marcus can hardly believe they’re both safe and sound after all they endured in only a few weeks; it felt like an eternity. And when Tomas asks him to work together just after they leave the cafe, he tries to keep an impassive face but this time he's not deluding himself. God may move in mysterious ways but as far as Marcus is concerned, he thinks he could happily live one or two or more extra eternities as long as Tomas stays by his side.


End file.
